Each year end marks a time for reflection and I started the year 2023 with new energy. For the two years we’d been living back in New Zealand I had felt like I was wrapped in a fog, moving sluggishly. By the end of 2022 the fog had finally lifted and I wrote myself a set of goals with renewed determination. Lots of ideas flooded on to the page. I set a goal of writing regularly, thinking I would do this through a monthly post. I drafted my first post and then daily life got in the way. Luckily I had also decided not to dwell and beat myself up so much for not getting something done! Instead I have celebrated other creative pursuits in the year; studying, curating and exhibiting.
What I did discover as I came out of my fog, was that friends and family were all dealing with things around me that I had been unaware of. I realised then that a tough part about mental health struggles is one’s inability to be there for people they care about. You miss so much when your mind isn’t in a good place.
While the year past has been another difficult one globally, I’m grateful for all the special moments with whānau and friends. It was so good to see my sister and niece again – 2020 was our last time together farewelling with an illegal hug in an empty Dublin airport, while the security guard looked the other way. Along with our eldest sister we got to be together as sisters for the first time in about a decade. We took a road trip – reacquainting ourselves with some places we last visited a lifetime ago.
A UK friend and previous colleague passed through Wellington in the late summer. The greeting hug with her in Lampton Quay covered time and space in that way that only good connections do. We ate lunch in the sun on the waterfront and everything felt lighter.
And Hamish’s second grandchild arrived this year. She is a dear wee soul, and a perfect complement to her big sister. In the circle of life there is just one thing we can be certain of and that is that time marches on.
Unfortunately, the year had its difficult times too. Moments that make everyone implode. The world shrinks and you struggle to make space for the things you need to do for yourself. A timely visit from some gorgeous UK friends late in the year reminded us to do just that. It was a weekend of crap Wellington weather, but great food and heartfelt company. And in December my cousin and his family from the US were in NZ. We grew up together and hadn’t seen each other for 26 years. It was really lovely to see him again. Making space to keep yourself well means you are better placed to be there for others. This is one of the things from the past year I want to carry with me into 2024.
A couple of opportunities for the coming year have presented themselves already. I’m looking forward to setting a new set of goals. This year I’m going to be specific, chunk them into bite sized pieces and celebrate each step along the way. It is the journey after all.
Jen Wiggle 